Weird Al and Co Pandemonium
by WAYAMY27NARF
Summary: First Time HP author! C'mon, read it. Chap. 1: Snape sings a Weird Al Song, Chap. 2: J.K. sings a Weird Al song, Chap. 3: Weird Al is played on the radio, and Tonks pays a visit
1. When No One Is Watching

Big author's note: I knew that I would write a Harry Potter Fanfic sometime, I just didn't realize it would be so soon. You can check out my bio and IM me. I don't care. PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME... _too badly._ I don't tan easily, I just get burnt to a crisp. I loved this song since the first time I heard it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's SO UNLIKE SNAPE it fits him _perfectly._ So, yeah... ooc Snape, but read on.

**When No One Is Watching**

(A/N) The writing in: _italics are thoughts._** lyrics are bold. -**actions are in dashes-****

****It was finally Christmas during Harry's sixth year. Once again, Ron and Hermione opted to stay with him at school. Like Harry's third year, there were only a few that stayed. This was a welcome relief, considering the size that stayed during their forth year. The trio made sure they took full advantage of the three remaining weeks left of unlimited free time. Hermione even managed to pull herself away from her studies to join the boys in snowball fights and skating on the lake. (actually it was magicked so that the lake was half frozen ice, half water.) They had to be careful not to skate too near the edge, or they'd come in contact with the giant squid. Sometimes they would visit Hagrid, but for the most part, they explored the castle with the help of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.

Lunch was alive with conversation. Sitting around the table were Harry, Hermione, Ron, a second year Ravenclaw boy, third year Hufflepuff twin girls, and a seventh year Gryffindor who only stayed behind because he never had in the past.(Ron sighed, "Finally, no stupid Slytherins") Out of the staff there was Prof. Dumbledore, Prof. McGonagall, Prof. Flitwick, Prof. Sprout, Madame Hooch, and "the greasy git" Snape, the Potions master.(Harry added to Ron's comment saying, "Unfortunately, **he** is here.") The three friends were eating and plotting their next 'adventure,' when Ron got very quiet. He looked very confused, nudged Harry, and pointed in Snape's direction. One thing for sure, Snape was not on Earth mentally. He had a minute crooked smile plastered on his face, and he was slightly bobbing his head back and forth. He shook himself out of his reverie shortly afterwards, shooting a nasty look at Harry.

They immediately went back to eating. It was obvious that something strange was going on with Snape. Not even five minutes later, Snape was getting up from the table. He whispered something to Dumbledore, and the silver-haired headmaster just nodded. The professor swept out of the room, his black robes billowing out behind him. Harry made a circling gesture in the air, by his temple, with his index finger, and jerked his thumb towards Snape, indicating he thought Snape was crazy. Dumbledore began talking, and the deal with Snape was temporarily forgotten.

#Okkay, this message is a port key that will transport you into the mind of Snape.#

_That was almost too close, if that Potter would have known what was going through my mind, it would have been the end of me for sure_. He paused _then again,_ he cracked into a smile, _I just can't help myself._ He walked over to a set of cabinets, and checking to make sure no one was watching, pulled out a stack of…CD's. _The only benefit of living so close to a Muggle town is the fact I can keep tabs on the entertainment that is circling throughout the world._ Surprisingly, Snape was quite a music fan. He had plenty of Scott Joplin, Arlo Guthrie, Victor Borges, some oldies, and of course his favorite, the king of parodies and polka master himself, "Weird Al" Yankovic! _It was so nice of Minerva to give me his new CD for Christmas._ He pulled out **Poodle Hat** and something that looked like a Phillips screwdriver with buttons on the side. Setting it upright, so that the point was facing upwards, he placed the CD over it. The CD hovered around the bar in the center and above the base. Snape pushed a button, and the disc began spinning. He pushed another button to skip the first track. When the music started he sang…

"Nothing ever (ever) happens in this town

Feeling low down (down), not a lot to do around here

I thought that I would go right out my mind

When a friend told me THE NEWS…"

#Now let's go see what Potter and the gang are up to#

"Hermione, aren't you almost done with that?"

"Yes, Ron, just let me read one more paragraph."

Ron rolled his eyes and slumped himself down into one of the chairs in the Gryffindor common room. Turning to Harry he whispered, "If this is her idea of fun, I don't even want to know what she classifies as 'boring.' Fifteen minutes later, the sound of book slamming shut, whipped through the silence, causing a dozing Ron to jump.

"I'm done. Are you happy now, Ron?" She said laying the book on the small table beside her chair.

The red-head rubbed his eyes and asked tiredly, "Was that all one paragraph?"

Hermione glared at Ron and snapped, "This book happens to be very interesting and quite informative." She gave Ron a very smug look.

"What is it then?" Ron asked.

"Oh, you wouldn't like it, it's..."

"'How to Hang a Spoon,' by Joe Martin ..." Unbeknownst to Hermione, Harry picked the book from the table.

Ron cocked his eyebrows, "Is this for a class?"

"No, silly, this is a gift from my Uncle Bert. He's a bit of a jokester."

Both Harry and Ron smiled and shook their heads at their unpredictable friend. They sat in silence for a while, wondering what to do now. Then, all at once, everyone was spouting ideas.

"We could skate?"

"No we already did that today ."

"Well how about sneaking down and getting food?"

"No way, I'm stuffed from lunch still."

"Sneak out to Hogsmeade?"

"What for? Is food all you ever think about. Besides, we don't need anything else at the moment."

"We could always visit Hagrid."

"Remember, Hermione, he's visiting Madame Maxime."

"Ah yes, how could I forget."

"Snape," Harry spoke.

"What? Where?" Asked a wide-eyed Ron.

"No no, Remember what we saw, then he left early?"

"Oh yeah, I wonder what that was all about."

The three of them, Hermione included, broke in to mischievous grins.

"Let's find out," said Harry, as he stood up. Harry got his invisibility cloak and the Marauder's Map to pin-point Snape's location. According to the map Snape was in the dungeon, and as they got closer, they heard singing. It kept growing in volume, barely opening the door, they listened as their Potions professor belted out... a polka medley. There was a sudden intake of breath, as Harry realized he knew who this singer was, he closed the door carefully.

"It's "Weird Al" Yankovic!" Harry whispered excitedly, "This is so awesome."

"Weird Al? Didn't he sing songs like, "You Don't Love Me Anymore," "Dare to be Stupid," "Amish Paradise" and "Albuquerque"?"

"Yeah," said Harry, "You mean to tell me you've heard of him, Hermione?"

"Of course, Harry, with an uncle like Bert, how could I not. I love the song "Yoda" and my parents can't get enough of "Cavity Search", since they are dentists and all."

Making sure they were well hidden under the cloak they opened the door to watch Snape.

#Read on. Mother, may I? Yes you may.#

Snape had just made an accordion disappear out of thin air, when a jazzy trumpet sound filled the air. _Yes, I love this song. If I was a little less self-conscience, I would sing this at the staff talent show... maybe... yeah right._ He snapped his fingers and the lights extinguished. Now a spotlight hung directly over him, following his every move. With a swish of his wand a microphone stand materialized in front of him. Picking up the mike, he "sexily" sauntered towards the center of the room and sang...

I don't have a library card

But do you mind if I check you out?

-Snape flicks his wand and a skeleton dances toward him-

I like your skeletal structure baby

You're an ecto-morph, no doubt

-The skeleton disappears in a small cloud...-

Your face is real symmetrical

-...which quickly transforms into a nose.-

And your nostrils are so ni-ice

I wish that I was cross-eyed girl

-He crosses his eyes and holds up two fingers-

So I could see you twice

Girl you smell like Fritos

That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare

-He licks his lips.-

You're so hot you're gonna melt

The elastic in my underwear

-His pants drop revealing black boxers, while Harry and Ron slap their hands over Hermione's eyes.-

I bet you're magically delicious

-Snape picks up his pants -

Like a bowl of Lucky Cha-arms

You'd look like Venus de Milo

If I just cut off your arms

-Snape's arms disappear then reappear-

What I'm trying to say is...

-During the chorus Snape began to move sensually to the groovin' beat-

I wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to lo-ove

-During the interlude, he made his way over to the right side of the room-

Do you believe in love at first sight

-Another Snape followed closely behind-

Or should I walk by again?

My love for you's like diarrhea

I just can't hold it in

Stop, drop and roll now

'Cause baby you're on fire

-He slashes his wand and a trail of flames follows then quickly extinguish-

I'll bet your outfit

Makes a lot of noise in the dryer

You're absolutely perfect

Don't speak now you might spoil it

-Snape wand swishes and a toilet pops out of no where-

You're eyes are even bluer

Than the water in my toilet

-Blue water spouts out from the toilet like a fountain. The toilet quickly disappears, and Snape turns his back from the trio's hiding spot. He then wraps his arms around himself to give the impression of intimacy-

Say has anyone ever told you

You've got Yugoslavian ha-ands?

No of course not, that would be stupid

-He stops and turns around, shaking his head as if trying to cover up his embarrassment-

Just forget I ever brought it up

The point I'm trying to make is.

-And we're back to chorus dancing-

I wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to lo-ove

I wanna be your Krakatoa

Let my lava flow all over you

-Does a Kiss tongue wiggle-

I wanna be your anaconda

And your heat-seeking missile, too

I wanna be your beef burrito

-Tapping himself, he's semi-transparent for an instant-

Am I making this perfectly clear?

-Next, he jumps up on top of a table...-

I wanna be your love torpedo

-and executes...-

Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?

-a pelvic thrust to punctuate the...-

"Uh-huh"

-Now he's back on the ground with his back to Harry and Co.-

I hope I'm not being forward

-He's busy doing something while the mike hangs loosely in the air-

But do you mind if I chew on your butt?

-He gives a backwards glance and bites the air seductively-

You can tell me truthfully

-The black robe falls so that he's is now clad in pants and shoes-

Am I a steamin' hunk of love now or what?

-Turning around he reveals his a. 'well sculpted chest' b. 'Overly skinny and pale chest' (AN: Take your pick)-

There aren't enough o's in "smooth"

-Draws o's in the air with his wand-

To describe how smooth I a-am

Maybe you've seen my picture

-With a swish and flick a clap of thunder emphasizes the end of the next line-

It's in the dictionary under "Kablaam!"

-He makes his way back to the front of the room and places the mike back into the long abandoned stand. From this point on he dances and points and winks at his "audience"-

My lips are registered weapons

Can I invade your personal space?

You must have fallen from heaven

That would explain how you messed up your face

Well, how'd you get through security?

'Cause baby, you're the bomb

-Snape smiles and laughs-

I'd like to take you home right now

So you can meet my Mom

Because I

-Yes, he's still dancing away-

I wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to lo-ove

-Snape gives himself dreads, a brightly colored hat, and maracas then dances to the ska beat-

Girl you must be Jamaican because Jamaican me crazy

Girl you must be Jamaican because Jamaican me crazy

I wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover baby

I need somebody to lo-ove

Yeah Yeah Yeaaaah

I wanna be your lover

I wanna be your lover

-Finally Ron cracks and falls over in a fit of silent laughter. The cloak slips revealing part of Potter's face and upper body.-

I wanna...

Hey wait a second that's

"POTTER!!" Snape screamed. The door shut quickly, and Snape heard the sounds of footsteps and laughter echoing throughout the dungeon halls. The three friends reached the common room door barely able to breath the password _(Eena-korit)_, once inside, their laughter continued on for a good minute or so.

"That is the best thing I have ever seen in my entire life," breathed Ron.

"I think it'd be a good idea to keep this to ourselves," said Hermione.

The look on Ron's face was a mixture of confusion and shock, " Why would we want to do that?"

Harry interjected, "Hermione does have a point. We could have a private joke, besides it's too funny to tell other people. Plus, we now have..."

"Blackmail," replied a grinning Ron. They settled the matter by shaking each others hands.

"I think we know what to do tomorrow, mates." Ron and Hermione nodded in an unspoken agreement.

Ron sighed and exclaimed, "I doubt I'll ever see that old bat the same way again," he paused than began singing softly, "Girl you must be Jamaican...

"Because Jamaican me crazy," The other two finished before bursting into a fit of giggles once again.

The End

Thank you, thank you. Loved it, hated it, let me know. My deepest thanks go to those who read this story. Out of the hundreds of stories submitted daily what are the odds that you would pick my story to waste your time. The two songs are from "Weird Al" Yankovic's CD, Poodle Hat. Go buy it. In order of appearance they are: _Hardware Store_ and _Wanna B Ur Lovr_ The other (mentioned) songs are on the following CD's _You Don't Love Me Anymore:_ Off the Deep End, _Dare to be Stupid:_ Dare to Be Stupid, _Amish Paradise:_ Bad Hair Day, _Albuquerque:_ Running with Scissors, _Yoda:_ Dare to Be Stupid, and _Cavity Search: _Bad Hair Day. Heck, go out and by all 11 of his CDs and check out The Poodle Hat Tour coming to a city near you.


	2. A Break from Work

For a short while the first chapter was a stand alone fic, but suddenly I felt the urge to make it as part of a collection. Each chapter shares the common bond that the songs used aren't dealing with typical romantic feelings, and most are Weird Al songs. Why is this any different from other authors' song-fics? Well, from most of what I've read, they have a storyline. If it's a collection, there is no individual story for each song, the fic revolves solely around the song. Am I condemning those stories? Absolutely not! I just want to alert the readers to expect something different from me (hopefully). Now if I'm wrong, and many others wrote like this long before I did, please correct me. I don't like being wrong. Anywho, I don't own J.K. Rowling (she is property of God, the Creator), nor do I mean ANY offense! I just thought this would be funny for her to sing. 

A Break from Work 

"Goood morning, all. It looks like it will be a beautiful day with temperatures in the...," The alarm blared, before it was quickly shut off by none other than, Joanne Kathleen Rowling, herself. After laying in bed for a while, she figured that she should get up and face the day. Luckily with the fifth book out, she wasn't as tense like a few months prior to today. But even important icons such as herself know that work is vital. Eventually, she settled behind her work space with her cup of coffee, and words began pouring out from her. _"Hmm, how should Dudley phrase his response."_ and the like. She wrote for hours and hours, completely immersing herself in her own "magic." Occasionally she would break to refill her coffee cup, answer fan mail, using the 'loo,'(A/N: That sounds so dumb coming from an American like me.) and heating then eating some frozen pizza. She could have easily fixed herself something more lavish but, wanted something that didn't take much effort, so she could focus on her sixth installment of the Harry Potter series.

The house was quiet, because her husband had been kind enough to take the children to the show that night. Although she could tolerate noise when writing, silence suited her just fine. Around seven that evening, she completed a draft of a chapter she'd been working diligently on for a while. Her mind and muscles called out for a small break, before continuing on. She got out of her chair, and stretched her arms. Strolling over to the stereo system, she looked for something to listen to that would put her at ease. Her fingers stopped over a seemingly out of place "Weird Al" Yankovic CD. 

She thought it was odd that he would find his way into the collection. It was odd, yes, but she wasn't ashamed at the least. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if he would ever consider touring Europe. The particular CD she held in her hand was his third studio album **_Dare to be Stupid_**. Taking a trip down memory lane, she reminisced about buying the CD, back in the early 80's. To think that eventually, she would live such a lavish now, was mind- boggling. Where had all the years gone? Although not a hardcore fan, she remembered buying his CD, because a friend played her the wacky "_Buckingham Blues"_ off his first album. With the explosion of Madonna, she had to buy **_Dare to be Stupid_** just for the song "_Like a Surgeon._" As she read through the track list, one particular song caught her attention.

"That song is me," she chuckled. Then after a moment she mused that it really wasn't her, but she felt that others might compare her to this song. Placing the CD into the player and adjusting the track number, she 'prepared' herself for the song. She pantomimed dancing with a top hat and cane while she sang.

I eat filet mignon seven times a day  
My bathtub's filled with Perrier  
What can I say  
This is the life  
  
I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood  
I hire somebody to chew my food  
I'm an upwardly mobile dude  
This is the life  
  
They say that money corrupts you  
But I can't really tell  
I got the whole world at my feet  
And I think it's pretty swell  
  
I got [fans] lined up outside my door  
They've been waitin' there since the week before  
Who could ask for more  
This is the life  
She danced around more, then played the air guitar when the electric guitar sounded. Soon she was back to her original dancing.

You're dead for a real long time  
You just can't prevent it  
So if money can't buy happiness  
I guess I'll have to rent it  
  
Yeah, every day I make the front page news  
No time to pay my dues  
I got a million pairs of shoes  
This is the life  
She tap danced during the spoon solo, acted like a DJ when the scribble scratching solo came on, then continued on with her original dance with the "hat" and "cane"  
I got a solid gold Cadillac  
I make a fortune while I sleep  
You can tell I'm a living legend  
Not some ordinary creep  
  
No way, I'm the boss, the big cheese  
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees  
And I can do just what I please  
This is the life  
  
That's right, I'm the king, number one  
I buy monogrammed Kleenex by the ton  
I pay the bills, I call the shots  
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts  
  
One thing I can guarantee  
The best things in life, they sure ain't free  
It's such a thrill just to be me  
This is the life  
Waah, this is the life

Finishing up with a dance step, she walked over and shut off the player. Yes, this break is exactly what she needed to relax her, and stimulate her to write more. Aloud, she said, "Perhaps I could have Al be the next Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. I'll call the book Harry Potter and the Significance of Twenty-Seven Poodles..." 

_Two hundred miles away, the boy called Harry Potter woke with a start._

"I have _got_ to _stop_ having these stupid dreams," Harry grumbled, before crawling back under the bed sheets.

Hooray! The second installment is complete. I already have plans for more. The next song will most likely be the shortest, but it shouldn't disappoint you. If you flame me about how I depict Mrs. Rowling's lifestyle, I won't accepted it unless you are A.) the author herself. B.) a close family member, friend, and/or relative. If you are a fan and you criticizing me on this issue, I would question your sanity, and wonder if you've ever tried this little thing called _life_. Other than that, feel free to write whatever. (Just try and keep it clean.) Also, I don't own the song _"This is the Life,"_ it belongs to "Weird Al" Yankovic, and the original line was I got women lined up outside my door. _"Buckingham Blues" _can be found on his first album **_"Weird Al" Yankovic_**. **_One more vital question: Are any of the characters bald, according to the book description?_** Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Ickle Duddikins

Grrrrr, I'm selfish, and I want reviews!! Whatever. This is the third installment, obviously. Enjoy! Also, this takes place during the first book. The Dursley's are taking their Duddykins to get that blasted tail removed. I don't own squat, people. Stop hounding me already!

Is it possible to have the title of just one single chapter longer than the actual song as a whole? Well, at least half the length of the song?

A fat, purple-faced Vernon Dursley, sped down the highway with his fair, ellipsoidal-faced wife, Petunia, and his "squealing" boulder of a son, Dudley. Just last night, a great oaf burst into their hideout slash puny shack in the middle of a stormy sea, and the giant speaks to that horrid Potter kid like he's normal. A connection is made between the two, which is wonderful news for the pleasant _normal, non-magic_ Dursely family. For no apparent reason, the gargantuan woodsman character pulled out a stick and gave Dudley piggish attributes _"Ruddy freaks,"_ Vernon thought, _"What sort of blithering idiot would torture the innocent for entertainment. Wretched weirdos are no good for society, they can eat pigeon poop for all I bloody well care. More importantly, how in the world am I going to explain **this** to the doctors? _The sound of Petunia's voice broke his train of thought.  
"Oh awwww, mummy's little Dudders, don't worry, don't worry, we're going as fast as we can."

"How much longer?! My tail is making my bottom go numb! gasp What if they can't fix it? What if I can never SIT normal AGAIN!" Which was true for the moment, it was absolutely painful to have anything in contact with his tail. His tail was tender, and let's face it, was residing on a very tender spot. He was currently lying face down on the back seat, his tail writhing with all its might.

"Only a few minutes, Duddy!" Petunia answered. Actually, they had roughly another thirty minutes. Dudley's arms were flailing about behind him, trying to grasp his tail. Finally success was his, he grabbed the offending feature tight in his hands. The wiggling around was equivalent to having a ringing sound stuck in one's head. Holding his tail would have been fine, except for one small detail, this tail was a magical tail. Before long, Dudley's hands flew out in front of him, and a scream spliced through the air. It felt as if he stuck his hand in a furnace, and crocodile tears began falling.

"**AAAAAGGGGHH!!** **MY HANDS ARE ON FIRE WHOOOOAAAA!! Huurrry father, HUURRRY!!**"

Vernon was livid and panicking now. The pressure on the gas pedal increased while the speedometer dial rose from 70 to 95.

"Dudley?... _Dudley_... would you like something to eat or drink, would that make you feel better?" Vernon asked timidly?

His son roared, "NO, THAT BLOODY WILL NOT HELP! I WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOT MCDONALDS!" Apparently, the Dursley son's predicament must be horrendous if he actually refused food! So Vernon tried another tactic.

"Well, what if we put on some music?"

"FINE! Just... get... to the... hospital!" Vernon grabbed the first tape he saw and plopped it into the dashboard. He cranked up the volume, and a rough voice erupted from the speakers...

_Let me be your hog_

_Let me be your hog, now_

_I said baby, baby, baby, baby_

_baby, baby, baby, baby,_

_yeah, yeah, yea..._

Vernon slammed his finger on the eject button. Picking up the tape he read it's title: Harry's music. Like a lion who stepped on a thorn, Vernon growled, chucking the tape out the window. The rest of the trip was made sans music.

(A/N: I really wanted to end it here, but after looking over my story with all my new ideas, I didn't think it would make a fair ending. So here's more...)

At the hospital

"Dudley Dursley, Dr. Abbott will see you now," a twenty-something nurse called out. The Dursley clan formed what can only be called a "Dursley sandwich" the elders were the bread while, "little" Duddikins was the meat and mayonnaise. The threesome followed the nurse into a dinky room, furnished with a few counters, chairs, and the bed with the paper laid out on top.

"Lie here, the doctor will be with you shortly," said the nurse as she exited the room. Dudley did as he was told. He clamored face down onto the uncomfortable slab, with a push and pull from his parents. Vernon and Petunia, then sat in the corner of the room and engaged in small talk. (Although, technically, it was just angry muttering from Vernon) A few minutes passed, and an audible "pop" was heard.

"Hello?" Petunia called out, beady eyes peering into the shadows, "is that you, doctor?" They started to dismiss it as nothing, when a faint whispering was heard.

"Claudecellus" was what the voice said, but that didn't register in Vernon's mind. Therefore that must not have been what was ushered.

"Silencio capacitas," the voice said again, and still, no recognition of a real word.

"If you're looking for the Dursleys, doctor, we're here!" Vernon replied, in a manner not associated with kindness.

A young woman stepped out of the shadows. Light fell over her deep purple spiked hair tipped with green highlights. As she made her way fully into the light, it splashed across her t-shirt, adorned with a few people holding various instruments. The words "Weird Sisters" lined the bottom of the tee. Her well worn jeans, scrunched over her purple Vans, completed the look.

"Wotcher, Dursleys. The name is Tonks, an..."

"Don't tell me _you're_ the doctor!" Vernon interrupted, "I will not have my son handled by the likes of a _child_ such as yourself!" Vernon stared at her, a smirk appeared on her face and she cocked one eyebrow, but recovered quickly.

"I'm not the doctor, but I can still help. Hey wait.... Dursley? You're Harry Potter's uncle, aren't you?" Vernon's piggy eyes widened, he took a small step toward her. "Who told you about the boy?" He snarled.

Tonks had apparently not heard him, for she continued on, "I certainly hope he enjoys Hogwarts. It's a wonderful place, although nothing too big happens very often. Who knows, maybe young Harry will shake things up a bit!

Tonks realized a second too late that she said the wrong thing. Vernon was now inches from her face. "YOU and your FILTH! My family will have nothing to do with your kind. All of you are FREAKS, who NEVER should have been BORN!! You tortured my boy, and left that pile of rags on our doorstep, I WANT YOU OUT! OUT NO...."

"Silencio" Tonks whispered her wand out. "Now that I have your attention, Dursley, I want you to listen." Her tone feigned sweetness, and was lightly laced with a calm malice.

"I don't want to get started with you, since I'm not in the best of moods now. First I'm late for work, Fudge reprimands me. Five minutes later, I find Fudge with my chocolate frosted doughnut sliding down his face because I tripped over Moody's walking stick. He stumbles, but manages to catch himself. Unfortunately his 'eye' fell out and rolled into a closing elevator door (the eye was fine, just three stories away from the owner) Fudge tells me, I'm to be on obliviation duty today. I told him, I was to work on Auror training with Kingsley, he said I could use the bloody discipline. So now I find myself in a dingy office waiting for my call to duty. Aurors in training? Doing Obliviation duties? That is unheard of!! I'm in there with my thoughts, and I got to thinking about last night, when I traveled to Hogwarts to visit friends. I came across my former professor, and those feelings from my school days resurfaced. I started sputtering like a fool in front of the Potions Master. He gave me this look that said 'I'm _not_ amused, but I _am_' and offered a greeting. When I couldn't say anything, he swished away. What do I do? Do I love him? Is it something else? I don't know, but that's all I can think about sitting in that office 'prison.' Then, I'm told to track you down. I find you, and you insult my world! Oh yeah, I'm feeling pretty grand!"

The Dursleys were silent. (You would be, too)

"Now, if you'll let me get to work, I can get out of here, and pay that lovable greasy git another visit" Tonks advanced toward Dudley, who was still on the steel slab, "_Regularo glutecauda,_" She stepped back, and held out her wand. "As for all of you, _OBLIVIATE_" With that, she undid all her previous spells, disappeared, leaving the dazed family, with that same audible 'pop.'

A new voice sounded out in the room, "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, I'm Dr. Johnson...."

The End

Well, _"Let Me Be Your Hog"_ is from Weird Al's UHF Orignial Motion Picture Soundtrack and other stuff Hey, that was fun! Leave a review, please! Later!

WAYAMY27NARF

"_Shut-_claudere" "_Room-_cella & capacitas" "_Remove_-relegare" "_Tail_-cauda"


End file.
